WE’VE MOVED

For two years, we’ve been on a wordpress.com site and blogging has really been an interesting journey. However, it becomes more interesting and fulfilling if you blog on a self hosted website.

I want to use this opportunity to appreciate all our readers, followers and subscribers. Your constant readership means a lot to me and I appreciate all you do to see my blog grow.

At this juncture, I’ll love to inform you that we have moved to our ‘blogpartment’ after 2 years of blogging as a tenant on WordPress. The blog still retains its name as Home Talks, but our new home can be visited, followed and subscribed too via thehometalks.com.

I’d appreciate your support and readership as usual. Cheers to many more fruitful years of blogging.

See you on my new blog.

WE SHOULD ALL BE FEMINISTS.

The Law Students' Blog.

“We Should All Be Feminists” is a book written by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, where she articulated her views on what feminism entails. She posited that feminism is not synonymous with insult on women, rather it is a label that should be embraced by all. The book is a critical analysis on feminity, how it is construed, pointing out the fact that the society as a whole must change if we are to reach equality. With her focus on domestic aspect as well as general areas, I’ll be focusing more on genders issues in the workplace and the society.

Feminism is a range of political, ideological, and social movements that share a common goal to define, establish, and achieve political, economic, and social  equity of sexes. Feminism is an wholistic phenomenon, that cuts across every spere of life.

In Africa, using Nigeria as a case study, feminism doesn’t receive the warm…

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HARASSMENT: HIS FAULT OR MINE?

We live in such a decadent time where sexual harassment has no respect for dressing, age, status and even sex. In time past, girls that were often harassed were shaded for dressing like whores, hence attracted sexual predators to themselves.

Well, the world has journeyed past that stage as we now have sexual predators preying on all sorts of people, ladies being the worst hit of this menace.

Whether or not you dress like a prostitute or you are fully clad like a church girl or Alhaja, the randy predators seeking ladies to devour will still go hunting seeking preys.

It was a bright Friday morning when I went to the Human Resource manager of the company I worked so as to get some stamped documents I needed. On getting there, I met two other guys which were set to take their leave, and upon entry into the office, I was sensitive to the look the HR cast on me.

I gave a wry smile and thought within me that “this man as met his match today.” As the guys left, a lady walked in. Before now, he walked the guys out, and eavesdropping on their conversation, I deciphered that the guys have rubbed his palm with a token of #500. He payed attention to the lady who came in after me, abandoning my documents.

Upon the exit of the lady, he began quizzing me as to the church I attend, and he began ranting saying he is sure I have a man I am seeing. His basis for this cheap suggestion was as a result of my accessories- merely a phone and a bag.

He went further with an unsolicited advice saying that I shouldn’t follow young guys, that won’t cater for me nor treasure me, I merely acknowledged him with a nod, and he pressed further to say that I should go out with men like him.

There was an interruption by a lady who came in for the same documents I came for, and he responded to her, keeping me on hold. The lady left, and he changed the direction of the conversation to sexual matters, and at long last stamping my documents, telling me to wait in his office for another document which had been exhausted. I pondered within, “wait in your office?” It can’t happen.

At this time, the company was near empty and I knew it would be sheer foolishness to remain within danger zone. He eventually let me be
and said he would give me a call to inform me as to when to come for the letter. He further requested that I drop my number so we could talk better, that he has a lot to talk to me about.

I just really thank God for wisdom in responding to his questions. Need I say that all this happened not as a result of indecent dressing. I was well clad, and would be easily recognised as a member of on of these SU churches, yet I was still harassed by one randy HR.

Reported by Olanipekun Deborah.

Editor: Esho Kemi.

Photo credit: fairygoodboss.com

BREAKING OFF FROM INFERIORITY COMPLEX IN 2018 AND BEYOND

Inferiority complex was something I battled with right from my days in primary school, secondary school and shortly after I gained admission to the university. I can’t really point to how it started exactly, but all I know is that many things happened in my life that are factors; from being sent back to my previous class for inability to read, and being publicly embarrassed by a teacher for not wearing my shoes properly as a primary 2 student, my many average scores in junior secondary school, and a desire to fit in and just be accepted by people.

I was an extremely shy person and never wanted to relate with anyone because I felt I was not up to their standard and would therefore be rejected. I was more of a follower of people’s opinion about me and what I thought about myself mattered less. Lest I forget, I was a bunch of negative; I hardly said anything good: my statements were often laced with ‘I can’t’ amongst others. It was so bad I saw myself as no good because I constantly compared myself with people around.

I’m so glad I’m walking out of it and over time building my confidence, and I’d love you to take this journey along with me as we begin a new year, and even beyond the new year.

According to Wikipedia, inferiority complex is the lack of self-worth, a doubt and uncertainty about oneself, and feelings of not measuring up to standards. The dictionary makes us understand that it is the feeling that one is inferior to others in certain aspect.
Inferiority complex may have been developed as a result of a faulty foundation during childhood, for instance: bullying, living with judgmental and critical people, or exposure to negative information. It could also be developed at an older age due to inability to fulfill goal set, which eventually results in feelings of inadequacy.

Inferiority complex is capable of limiting a person as s/he is unable to explore his/her potentials due to feelings of inadequacy or rejection. It also goes a long way in affecting a person’s relational skill: s/he finds it difficult to have healthy relationships for fear of being judged by others. It also affects a person in work related environment as such person may find it difficult to relate freely with colleagues.

To have a productive and balanced life, it is expedient that we check out from this unhealthy habit, as well as strike a healthy balance so as to avoid getting to the other extreme of superiority complex. The main goal is to develop a healthy self-esteem that speaks for you wherever you find yourself.

So what are the steps to checking out of inferiority complex in 2018, and on a larger scale, beyond 2018.

LOCATE THE ROOT OF YOUR INFERIORITY COMPLEX.

As stated earlier, it could have started at a young age or at a more advanced age. In my case, it began while I was a lot younger. I faced embarrassment, had failures and in some cases rejection. This followed me till I was in the university, as I constantly felt inadequate and of no use. I never believed I could do well in whatever I set my heart to because I did not have much achievements until I was in senior secondary school which did not change much. Finding the reason for your being inferior will give you a headway on how to overcome it.

DEAL WITH THE ROOT OF YOUR INFERIORITY COMPLEX.

You don’t just stop at locating the root. Nothing much will happen if you just locate it and leave it there. The best it does is that it gives you the idea of a problem, but it doesn’t solve the problem. The next important step is to deal with the root of your problem. Perhaps, you found out that the source of your inferiority complex is as a result of comparing yourself with others, excessive desire to be like others, fear of what others think about you, focusing on your flaws more than you do your strengths, and what have you. In my case, I used to compare myself a lot, want to be like people I feel are better than me, as well as fear of what people think or will say about me.

What you have to do is to consciously do the opposite of the cause of your inferiority complex. If you compare yourself with people a lot, make a deliberate effort to stop it. If yours is fear of what people might think about you, ingrain it in your subconscious that what others might think doesn’t matter, and it is only what you think about yourself that matters. Here, you need to have positive thoughts about yourself for this to yield positive results.

DETERMINE TO DEVELOP A HEALTHY SELF ESTEEM.

Having dealt with the source of the inferiority complex, the next thing is not to relapse, but to build your self-esteem to a healthy level where it speaks well for you. Developing a healthy self-esteem is not going to be an easy one because of past thoughts ingrained in your subconscious that has to be consciously exhumed.

In developing a healthy self-esteem, you have to make a deliberate effort to work on yourself, thoughtfully uprooting negative thoughts planted in your subconscious and discreetly implanting positive thoughts in your mind. You also need to surround yourself with positive people, because the type of people you surround yourself with will affect the rate of your growth. There is also the need to improve your social interactions with people, as well as confront your fears.

With this few tips, I know we are well equipped to ditch inferiority complex, while embarking on a journey to building a healthy self-esteem.

HANNAH

Sharing my husband with another man was the last thing on my mind. 

The man of my youth has taken a woman in his old age, ‘cos  culture permitted it. 

A thorn in my flesh was she ‘cos she had many sons while I searched for one. 

He loved me still, but not as before. My rival now shares my portion in his heart. 
I drank from the cup of my sorrows, and plunged in the sea of overflowing tears. 

O! The heaviness of heart and the gnawing stings of barrenness. 

In my frantic pursuit for a child, I was mistaken for a drunk by an old man. 
I looked up to Jehovah, for from him I found comfort and strength

My days of weeping are over and replaced with my bounty of joy. 

Alas! My diligent labour was rewarded and I got my SAMUEL. 
God still hears is own, look up to HIM. 
Photo credit: Internet.

Tales Of SHE. 

 O! The agony. The pain of being a woman. 

My conception had been plagued with rejection and derision. My father desired a child of prestige, one to uphold the family name. This quality could not be found in me, my very essence brought him to  disrepute, I’ll be sold out some day, so why have me in the first place. 
I have no portion in my father’s estate, I’m not worthy to partake of his abundant riches; his landed properties are exclusively for his heir. I have been denied of basic entitlement ‘cos I am considered a wasted investment. 
Plucked at puberty, I became a child-bride to a man old enough to be a father. Imagine! A child birthing a child, how possible?  Well, that was the lot of girls in my days, and my cry for a change turned to echoes in their ears. I was hushed, and I wept till my tear glands could bear no more. 
For how long shall we continue in this bondage? When will be set free from the cage the society has locked us in? Who is willing to be the voice crying out for a change? Who will champion our course?  
Photo credit: internet. 

My Music Story 

O! The power in music! What music aside praying and reading my Bible has done in my life can’t be encapsulated in words. Times in my life when I feel so depressed and I can’t seem to pray, I find solace in listening to good music. Its no gainsaying that music is the food for the soul, it nourishes and brings a stirring in your soul (dependent on the kind of music you listen to). 

I recall a time where congregational and personal prayer was almost impossible and I practically force myself to pray, I simply decided to listen to some selected song and it simply worked the magic. My soul was lifted and I found myself praying. This is not to say that prayers can’t get you out of any awful state, it sure can; but music has a role it plays. 

Long story short, I listen to music when the feelings of some strange loneliness engulfs me and it brings a soothing relief. 

What sort of music do you listen to? Is it songs  that drains you and leaves you depressed, or songs that stir up your heart to seek God? My humble advice to you is that you be wise in your choice of music and watch out for its remedial effect. 

ta ta. 

Why Children’s Day? 

Children’s day happens to be a day when children are supposedly celebrated,programmes are organized, outings are made and lots more. But come to think of it; who and what are we celebrating?  How has this day impacted the society and the children therein? These are questions that have been left unanswered.  Shall we ponder on it together? 

Where are our children? I have always known that children are innocent, but what I see are children who have lost their innocence, exposed to the wildlife of the society.  I was also made to know that children ought to be protected; but what I see in my community are trafficked and abused children, whom have been left as preys to their predators, vulnerable and love starved children with no one to cater for, left to handle the hustle of the society. Our children’s hope of a bright future has been raped and they have been made to develop with the poverty mentality. Are these the children we seek to celebrate? 

What are we celebrating? The common thing that we see happen are children taken out to dine and wine by parents who can afford it, while the less privileged go about their usual business. Should this day be limited to eating and drinking by our leaders of tomorrow? Shouldn’t we make it a day of bringing the children in the society together to sensitize and encourage them on doing things that benefit the society? We have to leave the straight jacket thinking of seeing children’s day as another moment of eating and drinking (though its part of the fun). 

We need to awaken to the realisatio

n that the children we seek to celebrate are in dire need of help, they ought to be built up, nurtured,and supported by the society and their parents. It’s another children’s day, let’s come together to build our children, for in doing so,we build for ourselves a great future and by extension we build a great nation. Let’s not limit celebrating our children to a day,let’s make it a continuous process. Build a child each day and you would have successfully built a nation. 
Photo credit: pixabay

       DIRECTION

I seem to be lost!  I’m in a crossroad,a fix. Where am I? Where am I coming from?  Where am I going to?  I don’t seem to know.  Where do I start from? Where do I go from here?.  

Is there a compass? What about Google Map? How do I know my way? I don’t seem to know! 

Life seems to be a jumble, it’s like a maze, one entrance, many roads and one exit. Life is like a market, many roads leads to the market they say,  but which one do I know is best for me. 

Somebody help! I can’t find my way help! Which way do I go. Do I go left or do I go right or do I just stay.  ‘I would show you the way, I would lead you, I would show you the way, I would be your tour guide if you would let me’,  a voice said. 

Alas!  I can find my way, I know my destination, I’m no longer in a fix, I’m heading on. He’s leading and I’m following. He is my your guide, He is JESUS. 

‘… and thine ears shall hear a word behind thee,  saying, this is the way walk ye in it, when ye turn to the right hand, and when ye turn to the left. 
Photo credit: pixabay.com. 


I’ve Found My True Love 

The search for love was a journey I embarked on 

From every Tom, Dick, and Harry 

The more I searched I got pushed away 

I drew a conclusion that love was vague 
A ‘special friend’ came along my way 

His hands of love he extended to me 

I declined initially because of deep seated ideologies

But fell head over hills ‘cos the love looked so true 

The love I sought I found at last albeit tainted with lust 

I gave my heart,  I gave my all to my newly found lover 

I became lost in lust, broken and battered 

Alas! I realised I was a fool in the pursuit of love

I gave up on love and bottled up wresentment 

I despised anyone that dared crossed my path

A wall of hatred I built in my heart 

Bitter and shattered all along 

I encountered someone who made a change 

His love so pure and friendship so genuine 

Sweeter than honey,  purer than snow 

I’ve never felt this kind of love 

I couldn’t reciprocate his love, hence I withdrew 

He sought after me with warmth in his heart 

I resisted but he persisted 

He caught me and his banner over me is love 

Alas! I’ve found my True Love, my all in all

He sails my boat and rocks my world 

He is Immanuel, my Saviour, my Lover, my King 

Lover of the world and my personal love

Call upon him he’s  ever so near 

He loves you just the way you are 

Experience his love you will never remain the same 

‘cos there’s no one as sweet as he