WHEN ATTRACTION FADES

There are certain things that make a man attracted to a woman and vice versa. The main form of attraction this post will cover is the physical attraction that serves as a magnetic force between a man and a woman.


It’s common knowledge that men are highly visual beings and they are moved by what they see. Before I move on, I’d advice you read this in the context of marriage so you do not misconstrue and misapply what you’ll read.

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MORE THAN FINANCE


“I do not seem to understand you in this house. Your attitude these days is amazing. All you do is work work work. You give us everything except yourself. Did I marry money? I married you, but it seems I’ve lost you!” an enraged Brenda was ranting at her husband.


“Are you done?” Jasper responded.


“Can you imagine the rubbish you just said. Your insensitivity dazzles me. Your sudden coldness and brashness amazes me. And your stupid attitude of thinking all we need is your useless money irritates me.”
In his rage, Jasper charged at his wife and grabbed her by the neck.

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OF FATE AND FAITH – EPISODE 3

Episode 1   Episode 2 

On a cold harmattan morning, five years after adopting Adura, my husband and I were taking a hot bath when I felt dizzy. The next time I opened my eyes was in the hospital, Adura and my husband standing on either sides. Drips were passed through my veins and I could feel my head heavy. I was told I had passed out having slipped in the bathroom.


The news that I was pregnant came as a rude shock. I had giving up on having children of my womb and I woke up each day thanking God for giving me Adura, and praying for other women in my shoes.

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OF FATE AND FAITH – EPISODE 2

Read Episode 1

A wave of nausea hit me. What could that be? As though there had been a conspiracy, my stomach churned and I ran to the toilet. This is the second month I have missed my period and I’ve been sick for sometime. I went to the pharmacy to get a pregnancy kit to confirm my fears. Could I be pregnant, could it be…, no, it has to be pregnancy.


I got the kit without informing my husband. I wanted to surprise him. I collected my urine in a cup and dipped the testing stick into it. I waited with bated breath expecting what the result would be. Disappointment hit me when I saw “not pregnant.”

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OF FATE AND FAITH – EPISODE 1

It happened again. This wasn’t the first, neither was it the second nor the third. As the blood trickled, the tears came pouring out like a fountain.


“Lord why?” I cried out. After 10 years of waiting, why should I still suffer miscarriages, I thought aloud, crying even harder. Perhaps the tears could wash away the pain I felt. The shame became unbearable, and the pressure mounted more. No thanks to my mother in-law who had become a pain in the neck.


This was not what I had bargained for. It wasn’t a part of the covenant I made with God. Hubby and I had prayed against any form of delay in child birth, having seen the trend in his lineage. His mother was plagued with delay and after many years, she conceived her only child- my husband.

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THE THREE LEGS OF INTIMACY

There was this triangular shaped stool I loved so much. I loved the concept of it having three legs instead of the conventional four. I wouldn’t want to call it an idol, but I cherished it with every fibre in me. I let no one touch or use it. I had just returned from school, and I was glad I found my stool just as I left it. The norm was that my siblings will take it out and abandon it when they’re done with it, and I’ll come back ranting and shouting at them.

As usual, I brought out the stool to use, and as soon as I sat on it, it gave way and I came crashing down, my butt hitting the ground. In my usual unobservant manner, I didn’t realize that one of the legs had broken a little and was just waiting for an external force to perfect the breaking process. My most cherished stool caused me a terrible sprain. How sad.


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LEAVE TO CLEAVE

I never knew I had married a mama’s boy, a big old baby who wants to remain latched to mummy’s bosom than to have an independent life of his own. I can’t imagine spending the rest of my married life receiving orders from my mother in-law and watch her control how I run my home. Well, I do not blame her. I blame her son who has given her a foothold in our home. Nothing that happens in our home escapes his mother’s ears. If he hasn’t gotten ‘advice’ from his mother, his life doesn’t seem complete.

I’d rather save myself this agony with a temporal separation until the boy I married learns to handle situations in his home without involving his prying mother. I can’t afford being treated as a second class citizen in my home, while I watch a stranger being elevated to position of queen. Tell my husband that I love him, and when he is ready to break free from his mother, he knows where to find me.

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AFTER ‘I DO’, WHAT NEXT?

Since this topic is very vast and an entire book cannot completely capture what this entails, because marriage is a broad subject, let me first state that the focus of this article is on keeping the marriage aglow.

You probably have had your dream wedding or not, but then, you have taken the most important step of making vows to your spouse to be together for better or for worse.

You are excited that you are spending forever with your soul mate, the one God designed for you but then you have seen instances whereby it begins to seem as though love is waning or like most people say, ‘we are beginning to grow apart‘ and you wonder why that can happen even to the best of people.

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WHEN WILL I SAY ‘I DO’?

“Tola, I’ve found husband for you o, since you’ve refused to bring one home”, mama Tola shouted from the kitchen in the typical African mother’s way. Tola was already fed up of her mother’s constant nagging and today wasn’t a good day for her.

Ignoring the old woman, she plugged her ears with her earpiece and pretended to be asleep. Storming into her room, mama Tola was irritated by the sore sight. She chose to ignore the and faced Tola. “See you, clean you will not clean, work you will not work, money you don’t have, you will just lie down like a big obese fool and keep piling up fat. Is this how you’ll behave when you go to the house of the husband I found for you?” Saying this, she stormed out leaving Tola to lick her wounds.

Tola barely clocked 25 some few months back and the major thoughts that have clouded her mind was when she’ll walk down the aisle and say “I do” to her heartthrob. Unfortunately, she doesn’t seem to have luck with guys and her nonchalant attitude wasn’t helping matters. Thinking on her mother’s words, she gave her life a second thought and changed for good. Shortly afterwords, men began to hover around her like bees hover around honey.

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“I DO”: DEFINING THE MARRIAGE VOWS

“Tola, do you take Toba as your lawfully wedded husband?” The minister asked with a deep baritone voice. “Yes, I do” Tola responded with all joy. “Then repeat after me. I, Tola, take you, Toba to be my wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part, according to God’s ordinance, and thereto I pledge you my love before God and these witnesses.” And vice versa.

The above scenario is the default vow made at a typical wedding ceremony, where the couples make a pledge before God and the crowd of witnesses of the new union. More than a casual recitation, the vow should be regarded as a sacred pledge to each other which must not be broken. It is an oath or covenant that binds both parties and sealed by God Himself.

happy marriage

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