WHEN ATTRACTION FADES

There are certain things that make a man attracted to a woman and vice versa. The main form of attraction this post will cover is the physical attraction that serves as a magnetic force between a man and a woman.


It’s common knowledge that men are highly visual beings and they are moved by what they see. Before I move on, I’d advice you read this in the context of marriage so you do not misconstrue and misapply what you’ll read.

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OF FATE AND FAITH – EPISODE 3

Episode 1   Episode 2 

On a cold harmattan morning, five years after adopting Adura, my husband and I were taking a hot bath when I felt dizzy. The next time I opened my eyes was in the hospital, Adura and my husband standing on either sides. Drips were passed through my veins and I could feel my head heavy. I was told I had passed out having slipped in the bathroom.


The news that I was pregnant came as a rude shock. I had giving up on having children of my womb and I woke up each day thanking God for giving me Adura, and praying for other women in my shoes.

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PHYSICAL INTIMACY

Marriage is 100% physical just as it is 100% spiritual, and physical intimacy is an important aspect of marriage. Asides other very relevant reasons people get married, what else do people get married for? To be intimate, physically! If marriage is just for companionship, then there’s no need for marriage as platonic friendships would do.

People jokingly say signing those dotted lines authorize the couple to start doing what is made for the marriage confines only. All this is just to emphasize on how important physical intimacy is in marriage. Here, I won’t share what you will find in the books. I’ll talk from experience only.

A lot of times, physical intimacy affects largely other areas of a marriage. Just like every other thing, it requires intentionality so that it becomes the norm in the home.

First, if intimacy is left only for when you want to have sex, it would become robotic and less interesting. You and your spouse are for each other alone, granted, but if you do not make efforts to spice things up over time, you may begin to make that aspect of the marriage boring. So, I’ll highlight some practical things below:

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EMOTIONAL INTIMACY

The silence that spoke in the house of the Bensons was one that was too loud to be ignored. It spoke of the hate, the intolerance, the communication gap, the bickering that has stealthily crept into their home. Things were not this way five years back. Surprise gifts, unexpected pecks, kitchen dance, roarsome laughter to mention a few used to be the order of the day.


The current tense atmosphere where everyone walked on eggshell sent Emilia Benson on the journey to worry land. How could things have degenerated this bad? What happened to the good old days where smiles were not forced, and laughter poured forth naturally? O how she longed for those days!

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SPIRITUAL INTIMACY

In the previous post, I introduced the three legs of intimacy here. I’d be painting a scenario, and we’ll see how the lack of spiritual intimacy deals a deadly blow to the home.

During our courtship, my husband and I promised ourselves that we’ll build an altar of prayer and study of the word, and also ensure that God was the foundation of our home. We drew up plans of personal and joint Bible study, retreats and prayer sessions. We wanted our home to be a place where people came visiting and they left saturated with God’s presence.

Being the spiritual head, my husband was responsible for morning devotions, retreats, while I handled our evening devotions.
The first three years of our marriage was blissful and spiritually refreshing. We enjoyed a different degree of closeness. The saying that a family that prays together stays together was a reality in my home.

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LEAVE TO CLEAVE

I never knew I had married a mama’s boy, a big old baby who wants to remain latched to mummy’s bosom than to have an independent life of his own. I can’t imagine spending the rest of my married life receiving orders from my mother in-law and watch her control how I run my home. Well, I do not blame her. I blame her son who has given her a foothold in our home. Nothing that happens in our home escapes his mother’s ears. If he hasn’t gotten ‘advice’ from his mother, his life doesn’t seem complete.

I’d rather save myself this agony with a temporal separation until the boy I married learns to handle situations in his home without involving his prying mother. I can’t afford being treated as a second class citizen in my home, while I watch a stranger being elevated to position of queen. Tell my husband that I love him, and when he is ready to break free from his mother, he knows where to find me.

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AFTER ‘I DO’, WHAT NEXT?

Since this topic is very vast and an entire book cannot completely capture what this entails, because marriage is a broad subject, let me first state that the focus of this article is on keeping the marriage aglow.

You probably have had your dream wedding or not, but then, you have taken the most important step of making vows to your spouse to be together for better or for worse.

You are excited that you are spending forever with your soul mate, the one God designed for you but then you have seen instances whereby it begins to seem as though love is waning or like most people say, ‘we are beginning to grow apart‘ and you wonder why that can happen even to the best of people.

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