The silence that spoke in the house of the Bensons was one that was too loud to be ignored. It spoke of the hate, the intolerance, the communication gap, the bickering that has stealthily crept into their home. Things were not this way five years back. Surprise gifts, unexpected pecks, kitchen dance, roarsome laughter to mention a few used to be the order of the day.

The current tense atmosphere where everyone walked on eggshell sent Emilia Benson on the journey to worry land. How could things have degenerated this bad? What happened to the good old days where smiles were not forced, and laughter poured forth naturally? O how she longed for those days!

Emilia found the missing link. The emotional intimacy between she and her husband had long wained and she needs to salvage her sinking marriage.
Emotional intimacy is an aspect of the married life many have failed to develop, thereby leaving them and their spouse living as familiar strangers.

The moment of laughter and shared joy lasted through the courtship period and a little after the marriage, it fizzled out.

Wikipedia defines emotional intimacy as a perception of closeness to another that allows sharing of personal feelings, accompanied by expectations of understanding, affirmation and demonstration of care.

A modification of a family that prays together stays together is a family that plays together sticks together. One thing lacking in many marriages is the concept of play. Both parties seem to be grown up ‘mature’ people who take life rather too serious to joke around with their spouse and kids. The home then takes the shape of a formal setting where everyone deals with utmost care and caution.

Suggested Read: Spiritual Intimacy

We can’t be all spiritual and say emotional intimacy is not necessary. We would be doing ourselves a whole lot of disfavour. For the home to be balanced, emotional intimacy has to be developed and maintained. How do we achieve this?

Make Your We Time A Priority

Many things will want to encroach into this special ‘we’ time if you do not intentionally carve out this time and make it a priority. Your kids will encroach, the necessary evil called social media is there to choke up your time, third parties will want to have a part of your time. To cherish this ‘we’ time, no matter how little it is, turn off notifications on your gadgets, block off intrusive third parties, zone out your kids and zone in on yourselves. Relish in this little time you and your spouse have together.

Let Your We Time Be Quality

If your spouse’s loves language is quality time, this would go a long way if you give it to them. However, whether or not it’s your spouse’s love language, quality time is a healthy dose to take to build a strong home. Spend this time focusing your undivided attention of your time and practice effective communication. No matter how little in quantity this time might be, let it be a quality time you both cherish.

Develop A Sense Of Humour.

It takes nothing from you when you and your spouse laugh and play together, but it takes everything from you when there’s a lack of laughter and play in your marriage. When everything in your home becomes too rigid and overtly serious, you begin to leave as mere flat mates, or you develop a master servant relationship. Make out time to play fun games together, and involve the kids if there are kids.

Make Plans Together

By this I’m not talking about financial plans or kids plan or whatever. I’m talking about making date plans, family outings, charity outreach if you do charity. Do things that make the bond between you and your spouse to be cemented and uneasily broken. The process of brainstorming and working out things together releases a feeling of oneness and mutual connection.

Don’t Neglect The Little Things

As we all know, little drops of water makes a mighty ocean. We are to deal with the little foxes that destroys the vine of your marriage. Inculcate into your marriage the little acts of selflessness, words of affirmation, acts of service, doting love and care, and all the other little stuff that makes your better half feel special. In the end, it is the little things summed up together that makes the big things.

I’d be rapping it up here not because this is all it takes to develop emotional intimacy, but because I’ll love and appreciate your contributions to make us all better.

Published by


Esho Kemi is a writer, public speaker and a blogger who has the mandate to make a change in her generation. She is the Content Manager at KEMI Writes, a writing agency that caters for all your editing and writing needs. Reach her via email: eshokemi25@gmail.com

7 thoughts on “EMOTIONAL INTIMACY”

  1. Hmmm
    A nice one here Sis…
    In my contribution, I’d say that spouses shouldn’t see emotional intimacy as old school.
    There are some people who feels all this communication, romance and love languages are for the first part of the marriage I mean the early part of the marriage
    They see it as something for newly wedded couples which shouldn’t be
    They believe as the marriage grows older they are maturing and should stop all this stuffs
    As for the outing aspects that is dates and dinner, they feel it’s waste of time and that their main concern is to make money and all
    They put in all their time into their work and businesses leaving out the happiness and attention of the family

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Great one
    I’d just like to buttress your point that understanding your partner’s love language is very fundamental in emotional intimacy in practical terms

    Liked by 3 people

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s