leave to cleave


I never knew I had married a mama’s boy, a big old baby who wants to remain latched to mummy’s bosom than to have an independent life of his own. I can’t imagine spending the rest of my married life receiving orders from my mother in-law and watch her control how I run my home. Well, I do not blame her. I blame her son who has given her a foothold in our home. Nothing that happens in our home escapes his mother’s ears. If he hasn’t gotten ‘advice’ from his mother, his life doesn’t seem complete.

I’d rather save myself this agony with a temporal separation until the boy I married learns to handle situations in his home without involving his prying mother. I can’t afford being treated as a second class citizen in my home, while I watch a stranger being elevated to position of queen. Tell my husband that I love him, and when he is ready to break free from his mother, he knows where to find me.

Sadly, this is a dilemma many find themselves when they get hooked to their better half. A part of them longs to be married, and another desires to remain at the foot of their parents. The reason is not farfetched. There had been a strong emotional bond prior to marriage which seems quite difficult to break. This reason doesn’t hold water because the emotional bond you establish with your spouse is stronger than anyone that has existed prior to marriage.


The Holy Writs did not mince words when it said, “therefore shall a man LEAVE his father and his mother, and shall CLEAVE unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24). God’s mind concerning marital relationships is explicit, and his intentions are made bare to everyone that cares to abide by it.

The problem many young couples face is the parental influence which they themselves have permitted by constantly going back to their parents, or threatening to return to their family when any little issue arises. The earlier you realise that your one time nuclear family (parents and siblings) are now extended family, the better for you in building your own new nuclear family (spouse and children).

LEAVING to CLEAVE is what the Bible commanded and that’s going to be our focus

Leaving may be quite difficult because you’ve spent the developmental stage of your life with your parents and siblings, and the family ties are quite strong. It may not be as easy at it sounds to severe the ties. Before I continue, leaving doesn’t connote abandoning and neglecting them. It means cutting off, or loosening the ties that once bound you, to build stronger bonds with your spouse.
How can this be achieved? Creating physical distance between you and your now extended family is a good way to achieve leaving.

When there is a close proximity between you and your family, there is a tendency for you to either run back, or for them to interfere with your affairs, however, when you know that there is a ‘great gulf’ between you and your parents/siblings/friends, you will have no choice but to hold on to each other. There is need for financial leaving too. Remember, he who pays the piper plays the tune. If friends and family finance your marriage, you’re certain they will be the ones to call the shots.

“…and they shall be one flesh.” To cleave is a verb, and it means to cling, adhere or stick fast to something. Cleaving or clinging to your wife is no child’s play because any form of severance can cause a fundamental damage to the home. There are many ways to cleave. You cleave physically, spiritually, emotionally, and all areas of life. You become one intrinsic whole.

It’s not empty words when you’re advised to make your spouse your best friend. Your spouse becomes the person you pour your heart to, the person you share the deepest of your secrets too, the one that bares your pains and burdens, your joy is their joy and your progress is their focus.

Cleaving to your spouse on an emotional level, you have to wage war against intrusive third parties that want to take the place of your spouse. Let family matter remain family matter. There should be no need broadcasting your issues to the public. you’re solely responsible for feeding your spouse’s emotions. Don’t leave it to the hands of a stranger. Know what your spouse loves, speak their love language, have fun together

play and laugh
play and laugh

On spiritual cleaving, your spouse becomes your number one prayer partner, one with whom you break the spiritual bread together. The one with whom you will build the altar of your home and determine the spiritual atmosphere of your home. In cleaving together spiritually, form the habit of praying for and with your spouse, attend church services together, have times of personal Bible study and occasional retreats together, etc.

Finally, physical intimacy is key, and overlooking it is dangerous to your union. (1 Corinthians 7: 3-5). Becoming one flesh is becoming one in everything that pertains to life and to godliness.


Is there something I’ve missed out you would love to share with the world? Let’s know in the comment section.

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Esho Kemi is a writer, public speaker and a blogger who has the mandate to make a change in her generation. She is the Content Manager at KEMI Writes, a writing agency that caters for all your editing and writing needs. Reach her via email: eshokemi25@gmail.com

6 thoughts on “LEAVE TO CLEAVE”

  1. Hmm this is what makes up most broken homes. Taking and applying wrong advice gotten from family and friends.
    This is why the maturity of a person matters a lot in the issue of marriage. Its not that it is bad to seek advice from others but you don’t have to take to every advice you are given. You have to seek the wisdom of God to weigh those advice and ask the Holy Spirit to lead you. If a man or woman is not matured before going into marriage, it will be too late before he matures because he/ she would have made a lot of decisions to be regretted later on.
    My mum will say, ‘ test his maturity’ and when we ask how to do that, she will say, ‘ bring up hypothetical questions on marital problems (problems faced by couples) to know how he/she will answer and what he/she will do if in that situation.’
    Although no one is an island of knowledge, that is why the Bible says “two come together to become one flesh” as the Writer has earlier stated. When there is something bothering you, call your spouse and lay it all out so that he/she will be aware of what you are seeing that he/ she didn’t see. That way, you will be able to tolerate each other, put God first, trust each other, and have a happy home.

    Liked by 1 person

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