“Tola, I’ve found husband for you o, since you’ve refused to bring one home”, mama Tola shouted from the kitchen in the typical African mother’s way. Tola was already fed up of her mother’s constant nagging and today wasn’t a good day for her.

Ignoring the old woman, she plugged her ears with her earpiece and pretended to be asleep. Storming into her room, mama Tola was irritated by the sore sight. She chose to ignore the and faced Tola. “See you, clean you will not clean, work you will not work, money you don’t have, you will just lie down like a big obese fool and keep piling up fat. Is this how you’ll behave when you go to the house of the husband I found for you?” Saying this, she stormed out leaving Tola to lick her wounds.

Tola barely clocked 25 some few months back and the major thoughts that have clouded her mind was when she’ll walk down the aisle and say “I do” to her heartthrob. Unfortunately, she doesn’t seem to have luck with guys and her nonchalant attitude wasn’t helping matters. Thinking on her mother’s words, she gave her life a second thought and changed for good. Shortly afterwords, men began to hover around her like bees hover around honey.

A question on the mind of many who are termed ‘old enough’ for marriage is “when will I say ‘I do’?” though they are not ready in any way. They think marriage is something they can just walk into without necessary preparation.

“When will I say ‘I do’ should be a question of preparation, and not a question of pressure. When the question pops in your mind, use it to test your level of preparedness for the lifelong journey of marriage you are about to embark on. ‘I do’ is much more than a statement you utter that ends at the marriage altar. It is a pledge for life till death.

Preparing for marriage can be likened to a stage of tilling and uprooting weeds for a successful planting and plentiful harvest. How then are we to prepare before ‘I do’?

Spiritual Preparation

There is a spiritual undertone to everything in life, and marriage is not an exception. Marriage is equally a spiritual exercise as it is physical. Preparing in the place of prayer is laying a foundation for the edifice you want to build. Your foundation determines how weak or strong your marriage will be. Not to scare you, the devil is going around seeking homes to destroy and you can only fight him in prayers. You begin to make your preparations long before you think of getting married.


Physical Preparation

If all you do is to pray without putting certain things in place for your marriage, the chances of your marriage adding to the divorce statistics is high. Do you know your health status? How domesticated are you? What plans do you have for a roof over your head and your family? Jumping into marriage without any physical plan is like building your castle in the air. Before you know it, it will crash.

Mental Preparation

The picture of the kind of marriage you have in mind is the architectural plan of the marriage you will build. Mental preparation may include having to change some wrong philosophies and ideologies you have long embraced about marriage. It includes having to read good books that will shape your view on marriage the God way. It would involve you having to embrace the concept of leaving your friends and family to cleave to your spouse. Mental preparation also has to do with how matured you are in handling situations, not necessarily how old you are.

Financial Preparation

What financial plan do you have on ground to keep the engine of your marriage running? How concrete is the plan and can it accommodate third parties (children)? What strategies have you put in place to manage finance so it doesn’t drive a wedge between you and your spouse? How much of financial literacy have you acquainted yourself with? If you wouldn’t want your marriage to go sour because of financial crisis, you sure must make solid financial preparations to keep your marriage going. Don’t make financial plans for your wedding only.


There are other preparations that need to be put in place for a successful marriage which are not covered in this post. Do you know them? Please share with us in the comment box. Thank you.

P.S: Preparations are for men and women alike.

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Esho Kemi is a writer, public speaker and a blogger who has the mandate to make a change in her generation. She is the Content Manager at KEMI Writes, a writing agency that caters for all your editing and writing needs. Reach her via email: eshokemi25@gmail.com

10 thoughts on “WHEN WILL I SAY ‘I DO’?”

  1. Emotional Preparation.
    Although every marriage must be built on trust, however, it is also better to prepare for the breaking of that trust. Not that one should expect the other party to break the trust but that the emotional one amongst them should prepare the heart in such a way that it won’t be affected by the effect of the breaking of mutual trust.
    Financial preparedness.
    It is advisable that both parties should have his or her financial/income source. This will help in shouldering all the expenses that is needed for the home, children or family and also for personal self.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. True talk sis, a lot of people misunderstand the purpose of marriage today.. Just want the glitz and glamour of wedding, no level of preparedness.
    We must be prepared in all areas of life and do not allow peer and society pressure or negative vibes dictate our lives.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Another good one from EshoKemi. (Claps!)

    The Relationship ..
    Today, there are many ways people find their life partners, (not my subject of discussion right now but please let God guide you. It’s not as hard as it may sound; you just need to have that peace of mind each time you think about or pray about him/her .. and don’t try to manipulate or force your way through anything. It should be a natural process really, Love is natural).

    So let’s say you did find your long missing rib, I mean the woman in whose eyes you see your lovely kids or the Prince charming soon to be your King, your “Olowo Ori mi” as Yorubas will say. My thought is that you find a way to build your relationship from the time of confirmation. This does not mean that you talk about marriage. It doesn’t even mean that you reveal your intentions to him/her or the fact that he/she is the one.

    It’s good you keep in touch, know what he/she is up to, build a good, healthy relationship with him/her with maturity until you’re ready to take it to the next level.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Preparation to Accommodate
    Marriage is such an institute that bring you to things that probably you didn’t think of meeting. It does not bring all situations just like we have dreamt about. Therefore, one must learn to start accommodating different temperaments, character and even some food that you probably naturally don’t like; since its one that can’t harm you its better you learn to start eating them now. For example, for some adult that don’t like golden morn we can find ourselves where we have to feed our child (when we have one) with this and before feeding your child, it is required that you know the taste of what you are giving your child; so it is good we start learning to accommodate some food now since it doesn’t harm you.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Preparation to Tolerate (Tolerance)
    This is also one of the sole key to having a blissful marriage.
    Marriage is not a bed of roses which we all know, so one needs to be prepared to tolerate a whole lot of things. In courtship, one can’t know he’s/her spouse fully so their are some traits, character, attitude towards things that they begin to display which you never noticed. This is where tolerance comes in, the first thing one needs to do after noticing them is not to complain, because one does not change all of a sudden. So firstly, you let your spouse know about it, let him/her know that you don’t like this and that,give them time to change not by nagging and complaining at all times.
    This might seem difficult, frustrating and all but the best you can do is to keep tolerating so as not to tear the family apart (when I mean keep tolerating and don’t complain, I don’t mean you shouldn’t talk at all when it seems things aren’t walking out,it’s alright to give signals or something when you not seeing any changes. I mean you should not make it a daily routine to be complaining)

    Liked by 1 person

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